Me: I cleaned all the dishes
Mom: aren't you going to put them away too?
Me: you have to upgrade from the trial version to the full version.

guy:

my mating call is the sound of my microwave beeping

(via hazzahazzabigpenis)

At the track meet today

At the track meet today

urtube:

i got my eye on u

urtube:

i got my eye on u

(via ruinedchildhood)

ellierose101:

striderkid:

dokidoki-artichokee:

hamburgurl:

1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting u

THERE ARE 8 PLANETS, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.

VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU

I’m pretty sure “Viva la Pluto fuck you” is the best sentence I’ve heard all week. 

(Source: hashtaglmao, via breadstickofficial)

the-fandom-tollbooth:

tyrion-lannnister:

the-fandom-tollbooth:

fumblrtabulous:

THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE WANTS TO BAN HOMEWORK

well this is it

bonjour my petite crossaints

patio

patio isn’t french

le patio

(Source: ratchard, via breadstickofficial)

toddkraine:

viviannbonnie:

this never gets old

Universite

toddkraine:

viviannbonnie:

this never gets old

Universite

(Source: theclearlydope, via breadstickofficial)

(Source: 4utom4t1c, via ruinedchildhood)

watdawut:

Me saving my grades at the end of a term

watdawut:

Me saving my grades at the end of a term

(via heyn1cky)

(via heyn1cky)

spoken-not-written:

"im on a diet" i whisper as i order 3 pizzas, a burger and 7 dead corpses

(via heyn1cky)

wayward-swagabond:

dannyrandy:

i am constantly amazed by straight dudes but not in like a good way

#whats next#bronal sex?#bronetration?#brorgasm?#oh yeah bro. u just hit my brostate. i love how ur brock feels in my assbrole

jerkidiot:

yeah…im tough….i’ve got some scars…..*shows u my belly button* this one i got from being in the womb for 9 months….had to remove my umbilical cord…rough times but im still standing…

(via kmidd926)

Just because you miss someone, it doesn’t mean you should go back to them. Sometimes you have to just keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realise that you don’t anymore.

(via these-greatexpectations)

Yes yea yes yes!!!

(via jv-das)

(via kmidd926)